You drew cartoon boobs when we first met, You marked me up with Sharpie, You were to the point and all set, I joked about stories for a dinner party,
Nipple callipers and sample silicon hidden in your case, Rolling back and forth between the private and NHS side, Driven by clinical need, patient outcomes and pace, Your work ethic and commitment cannot be denied.
I wish you’d had a magic wand not a scalpel, The scans seemed certain, but they lied, Meticulous precision could not conquer the way these cancer cells rule, We’re still keeping on; it’s one hell of a ride.
Months later I’m back, punch biopsy of my scar inside, Pathology confirmed what I always knew, I didn’t need the scientific view, No time for more surgery, more systematic treatment; more time to bide.
Started June 2019 when I found a tiny lump the size of a pin head in my mastectomy scar. I was reflecting on surgery.
People thought I was paranoid. They said It was scar tissue. I know my own body.
Finished in October 2019 when I returned to my original surgeon for his opinion; which confirmed mine.
Have you ever noticed that when a news item becomes a bit more serious or drawn out it gets a logo on the BBC? The global economic downturn had one, the US Elections, the referendum etc. Brexit has had several, a made up name and it even got a dictionary entry! I’m clearly not that newsworthy, but as I am now about to enter into my 18th month of cancer treatment I thought it was time The Cancer Gap got a logo. So here it is.
The beady eyed of you will have noticed it at the top of the search bar or on social media.
I could have asked or paid one of my design colleagues or contacts to do this, but I thought I’d ask my friend who is teaching herself design. She loved working on something real. Or so she told me. She explored a few options and together we came up with this. She even dragged her IT husband into the task. This is just one of many examples I have of people in my community going above and beyond to help and to contribute somehow.
I thought I’d do this update now as its pretty slow getting all the eligibility scans in place for the trial protocol. It is only when I’m through this that they can confirm that I will be put on the trial.
For those of your following previous posts, the tiny maggot sized and coloured piece of me that was extracted with a punch biopsy a week or so ago turned out to be malignant. So that distinct shape, wasn’t scar tissue, fat necrosis or my paranoia, it was a mass of cancer cells that have grown from some microscopic cancer being left behind. This is why you always want clear margins, the bigger the better. Mine weren’t clear. Ever. So this is not a surprise.
I first felt the lump as a pin head (that’s when they thought I was a bit hyper vigilant or even paranoid) and now its the size of a sweetcorn kernel and is a adenocarcinoma (a cancer tumour made of glandular cells). They’ve sliced this little tiny maggot up into slithers like a cucumber into tiny rounds and put it on slides. They have tested it for hormone receptors. It has none. No targets for treatment. So as well as being a grade 3 tumour, it has 2 out of the 3 markers it needs to be classed as ‘triple negative’. The HER2 status (the third marker) takes another week or so and I’m sure it will be negative again. So it is the same Triple Negative Breast Cancer. This cancer can sometimes mutate to be HER2 positive, so we have to go through this motion. Once my tumour has finished its little trip around the labs of the south west of the UK, it (or another piece from one of the other tumours) will be put in some formalin and flown to the US or Switzerland. Whilst my body is pretty much grounded, little chopped off bits of me are able to travel passport and insurance free.
Invasive breast cancer is tricky. It starts small and undetectable and then eventually the cells join up to cause a lump you can actually feel. A lot of breast cancers are ‘ductal carcinomas in situ’ or DCIS and never become invasive. These are more like a boiled egg still in its shell, easier to cut around and remove. Whereas invasive cancer is more like scrambled or powdered war time egg or a Jackson Pollock painting.
One of those little microscopic bits has grown into something that is still not traceable on a ultrasound. I even sharpie-ed up the spot beforehand. The sonographer felt it with her hand, but the scan didn’t show it. The PET-CT and CT scans didn’t show it either as there is so much other activity going on around this place from the surgery, scar tissue and radioactivity damage. My surgeon said he always prefers physical examination for this kind of local reoccurrence.
‘Once again, the grope test wins over tech then, but I guess you can’t say that’.
My response to the surgeon.
Well, that got a little side tracked from talking about logos, but at least you are up to speed.
Tune into your intuition
If I could sign off with one thing it is this: don’t delay if you have symptoms or lumps you are not sure of. Don’t be paranoid, but get to know your body. You are so often the best judge of any changes or suspicious activity. Tune into your intuition.
I already have the mastectomy scars branding me a ‘breast cancer victim’. However, a little lump, like a logo could be a recognisable symbol of early cancer or re-occurrence. Its distinctive design, this time of cells, the malignant or benign deciding factor.
Either way, for me, it is always better to know and to act.